What's Inside of You?
by 4CullensandaBlack
Summary: Written for the FicAwesome Gift Exchange 2014 (FAGE) 007-Who doesn't want to find the person that will help to unleash the darkness and the light inside of them? Will a past love be able to do that for Faith or is the light that she has been searching for gone for good?
1. Chapter 1

**FicAwesome Gift Exchange (FAGE) 007**

**Title: **_What's Inside of You?_

**Written for: **_Ashes at Midnight_

**Written By: **_4CullensandaBlack_

**Rating: **_T_

**Summary: **_Who doesn't want to find the person that will help to unleash the darkness and the light inside of them? Will a past love be able to do that for Faith or is the light that she has been searching for gone for good?_

**Prompts used: **_Dean/Faith and the song Ghost by Ella Henderson_

**If you would like to see all the stories that are a part of this exchange visit the facebook group: Fanficaholics Anon: Where Obsession Never Sleeps, or add the C2 to get all the stories direct to your inbox.**

** www . Fanfiction community /FAGE-007/93625/**

**A/N: This is my first time writing in the Buffy/Supernatural fandom. I am a huge fan of both series and it was an honor to write this for you, Ashes. Also, this was my first time doing a Crossover story; I hope I stayed somewhat true to the characters. This was inspired by Ashes at Midnight's Huntress and will reference the Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel & Faith comics, seasons 8 & 9. **

**I can honestly say that this has been the hardest FAGE since FAGE 2 when it came to coming up with an idea but I have always loved both of these characters. Thank you to Danielle for being my beta. I have added a lot more since you've seen it. And thank you to Frostysixhundred for the beautiful banner. **

**I really hope that you like your gift, Ashes! **

**And now, What's Inside of You...**

"Stop it… please…" begged the young woman lying on the rocky ground of the local cemetery. A knife hovered above her in the hands of a tall, dark, and mysterious man. The blade came into view as he lifted it up towards the sky, slowly bringing it down upon her face. It burned as it cut open the flesh on her forehead. The man above her leaned close to the open wound, licking the blood that seeped from within it. The young woman couldn't make out the man's face, but his smile, his teeth, and the dimple on the side of his cheek were at the forefront of her mind.

She wanted to be close to him, badly as her body angled toward his. He seemed so joyous that the feeling of completion warmed her. She couldn't explain it, but her heart and body yearned for his happiness and touch.

The young woman had all but forgotten the events which led to the man above her gaining the upper hand. Her eyes closed at the feel of his lingering touch upon her skin. The wind continued to howl as the dirt and debris moved around the ground on which they lay.

"Uh, argh," she screamed in anguish at her newest injury. It was too much and the ability to heal seemed lost at the moment.

"Oh, Faithey! I know you're enjoying yourself. I know I am," he exclaimed, kneeling on top of me.

Yes, it was me and I was dreaming. But that didn't mean that the fear spiking inside me wasn't real.

As I turned my eyes to look into his, I pushed against him, trying to get away. I knew what would happen next, and I can't handle the feelings he provokes in me.

"Why are you trying to run away from me?" I continued in my efforts by punching at his chest to no avail. "All I want to do is play," he laughed, releasing me. I started to crawl, digging into the dirt and grass. Those eyes, his eyes, black as coal, followed me as I attempted to get away.

"No, you don't," he barked while grabbing my ankle, lifting me from the ground. We smashed against each other, chest to chest. I tried with all my strength to pull away from him; but at last he had me in his clutches.

"You smell so pretty tonight, Faith. And I love the fact that you dressed up for me." It was then that I looked down at the red skin-tight bandage dress. It was new and expensive, completely not my taste at all, but for some reason I blushed when he said I smelled pretty. He took this opportunity to slide the thin straps off my shoulders.

I moaned as his fingers softly caressed my arms.

He took the blade in his other hand and ripped the top band of the dress, exposing my cleavage; a trickle of blood stained the knife. Lifting it to his lips, he groaned, "I love the taste of Slayer blood. It's so purifying: ancient. But yours, Faith, is the sweetest and richest of all the Slayers I've tasted."

My heart rate increased as the words left him. He does something to me. I couldn't move as his eyes changed to a human shade of blue. For a moment, true emotion shone through and I felt something I hadn't felt in years. I wanted to be with this man, completely.

I knew it wouldn't last though; these feelings aren't real. They can't be. I'm not Buffy and he's not Angel; there is no true love in my future.

I had to escape him, had to escape the kindness and care that I knew would never come from his hands. I wanted so badly to free myself of the hold he had on me.

But, I know I know him; at least who he used to be? Who he was to me?

"Aaah," I screamed as his blade sank into my ribcage. "Fuck!" My chest contracted as darkness started to creep in with the injury. He had doped me again. I gave him another opportunity to consume me and he took it.

My eyes slowly closed to his light as I drifted deeper into darkness…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

And that's how it always ends; me waking with a start, drenched in sweat with a new bruise to add to the many that always appear nightly. Once I became aware, the pain that had been inflicted on my body in the dream manifests itself on my physical form.

I don't need an alarm anymore. The deep voice of my nightly visitor always awakens me. The 'visits' have been going on for the last six months and I never thought that as a Slayer anything could scare me, but they do. The dreams provoke so much fear within me.

The terror spikes the most when the blackness slowly creeps into view. My heart begins to beat rapidly so much so that I can hear it deep inside. It's as if it didn't matter how many bruises, cuts, or burns were inflicted onto my skin; I craved them.

I think it's because they came from him; the faceless man with the deep voice that I feel some kind of connection to. The dreams always end the same, no matter where we are; they always end with his voice:

'_Faith, we will be together again.' _

Those words, his words, haunt me during my waking hours while his hands abuse me throughout the night.

Who is he?

I don't know, or at least I can't recall, but his voice sounds so familiar, yet unrecognizable. I want so badly to uncover the truth, but unfortunately now is not the time.

I need to get my head in the game. I'm patrolling with Angel and three newbies in the cemetery across from the famous big clock in downtown London.

The sky is overcast as the clock chimes midnight and I'm restless. Training is hard. I can't understand how Giles can do it. Maybe I'm getting old or it's the edginess I've been feeling.

The only thing that seems to clear my head is going out on patrols. I just can't explain the boredom, even now, watching the girls fight off a vampire, I feel nothing.

I long for something more; for freedom, maybe.

It's not like before; however, I'm not turning back into the 'bad' slayer as the newfound potentials like to whisper.

No, I think I just need a change, a break from the everyday routine. And those dreams are not helping, either. I work so hard to fight the dark urges inside of me. The parts that want nothing more than to give in to all of my sinister needs, but by some miracle or strange twist of 'faith,' I've become the mature one.

I am not the most hated Slayer in the world anymore, honestly.

As demonic activity increased around the world, the need for Slayers returned. I've been out more the past six months patrolling than in the last five years. Well, I was kind of confined… in prison, but anyway.

Giles had fixed that for me when I agreed to help him find confused and angry newbies.

Apparently, I was an expert.

Everyone wasn't so thrilled with our union, shocker! Surprisingly, the old Buffy, the one I was friends with before going rogue, stared back at me in agreement. She understood how seductive these powers can be and how easy it is to lose yourself in them. She told me that she had the same feelings after coming back from the dead.

And I'm a little… okay, a lot jealous of the fact that she had friends and family that were able to pull her back from surrendering to them.

That's how I ended up in another fight for survival. After Giles' death, leaving me in charge of the girls and a gift of his home and family's money, Angel and I hooked up.

And no, it isn't like Xander imaged – me supposedly fucking Giles into being his sole beneficiary while also fucking Angel on the side. That was so far from the truth that I would always end up laughing in his face.

The truth was that I had never been with someone long enough to actually want them past a night. I had come close once, but that was before becoming the Slayer.

Teaching the girls how to survive, as well as the importance of preserving their birthright instead of abusing it was hard. But, it was nights like tonight were I was a proud mama bear.

These new breed of vampires have taken over and are swarming tonight as Angel and I join the three newbies in the fight. Angel flanks my right while the newbies cover my rear.

We've been up to our elbows in these 'zompires', lately. At least right now we seem to have gained the upper hand.

"Faith, heads up!" screams Giles from up the sidewalk.

Sometimes, I can't believe that we actually succeeded in bringing him back; a sixteen year old Giles, but still a resurrected Giles.

The wind starts to kick as the final vamp goes after the smallest in our little group.

Big mistake, buddy!

A loose piece of newspaper catches my eye as Rita, or short-stuff, as I like to call her, gives the vamp a round house kick to the jewels.

She reminds me of myself at that age: furious with anger and hatred. Thinking that life could have been different if these powers had been activated earlier. Unlike me, Rita lost her parents as a teenager to a pack of werewolves a few months before Willow's spell was activated. She's a good kid really, but sometimes she can go a little overboard… like now.

Shit!

I forced my way through the fight to head off the almost victory of the freshly made vampire. "Not today, buddy. No tasty young girls for you." I plunge my stake into his heart, effectively ending tonight's lesson with a new kill under my belt. "Well, newbies, what have we learned today?"

"Never bet against Faith," they say in unison.

"Yup, now let's pack up, girls. Mama has a whole list of chores… I mean lessons for y'all in the morning."

They groan while Angel smirks at me. "I think you're having too much fun at their expense," he lectures as Giles finally joins us.

"They have to learn sometime that maybe, just maybe, I know what I'm talking about, Angel."

"What's that?" I hadn't realized that I'd unconsciously picked up the newspaper article until Giles grabs it out of my hands. He unfolds the balled up mess and I stare at the surveillance photo attached to the article.

Angel and Giles were both looking between me and the newspaper while Giles reads aloud, _"The above picture was taken by surveillance across the street from the most recent murder. The picture shows the back of the suspect's head. He is believed to be part of a string of murders happening in the States. The killings span from the states of Alabama to Ohio in multiple rural areas." _

He stops reading to search for something in my eyes. I guess he came to some conclusion because he continues, _"He is described as a white male; age range of late twenties to mid-thirties with short brown hair. The lone surviving eye-witness reports that his eyes were completely black. Officials are urging the public to practice extreme caution if they come across this person of interest. He is considered armed and dangerous."_

Angel clears his throat. "Well, that is a serious demon problem. Should we notify Buffy?"

I take the article from Giles and stare at the picture as we make our way back home. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel drawn to it. Maybe this was the answer to my prayers; maybe I'm the one meant to send this fucker back to Hell. Maybe this is what I need to break the routine; to relive this restlessness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Since when do demons pay for anything? _

Before I can get an answer to my question, darkness overtakes me.

I begin to feel pressure on top of me as I slowly start to regain consciousness. It was dark outside from what I could make out from the half closed curtain. _How long have I been out? It was daylight when I watched from around the corner of the motel._

Some dickhead had knocked me out and something or someone was pushing against my torso. I moan from the pain. _Damn, he's strong._

His touch continues to add weight as he pushes downward on my chest. My eyes were semi-open as I try to make out his shape. The man, who hovers on top of me, leans closer to my face, pressing his lips to mine. I try to speak, but alas, the words will not leave my lips as he covers them again with his.

"Augh ow," I scream while he backs away, slowly eyeing me as I lean forward in an upright position. His hand begins to reach toward mine, but I guess my reflexes get the better of me. I launch for the blade that sits in between us on the floor. I cradle it to my chest as he pulls his hand back towards himself and gets to his feet, his eyes never leaving mine.

He'd just saved my life by giving me CPR and I still can't trust that he won't kill me. I'm the Slayer. I'm programmed to kill him, his kind. I still can't let go of who I am.

Why can't I just let go?

Not even for the man before me; the man who has stalked my dreams for months; the boy who stole my heart all those years ago. And now, even as he stands at the door to leave me once again, I still can't let go of the fact that he's a demon, not a man possessed, but a pure grown demon.

He'd been made into this by his own darkness; a darkness that I've tried so hard to stay away from.

Dean Winchester, the boy, was gone, and in his place stood Dean Winchester, Hell on Earth.

He turns to exit. "WAIT!" I scream. I can't let him leave without saying, "Thank you."

He stares, confusion on his face before he answering, "You're welcome."

His deep voice fills me with yearning. I can't understand why he has such power over me. Why I ache for his touch? Why I have this need to feel him against my body?

Dean exits the room quickly, as if I would change my mind and attack him. Maybe he saw the look of want in my eyes.

Closing the door behind him, he was gone, before I can react. I am a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions as I stare at the door.

I have never known someone as a human and then as a demon unless they were possessed. As I drag myself off of the floor different scenarios run through my mind. Raising my hand to my face, I feel moisture upon my fingertips.

"Shit. Really, Faith? You're crying now?" I say aloud to no one inside the tiny motel room.

I am not a girly-girl. I haven't been that way in a long time. Since my father abandoned my mother and me, I've hardened. I'm a chick with daddy issues – that's nothing new – but when I was with Dean, I felt like my old self; young and care-free. Then he and his family left town. I'd known they were just passing through, but for a brief moment, I got to escape my life.

I'd felt like anything was possible, but then I came back down to reality, and any thoughts of the girl I used to be left, cruising down the highway.

There had to be a way to save Dean, now although I had absolutely no idea how to do it.

But, one thing is for certain, no matter what, I am going to try.

**A/N: If you watch season 9 and 10 of Supernatural then you how Dean became a demon. Dean's story is taken from that. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It's taken me months to find him again and it hasn't help that my dreams are even more detailed now that I've put a face to the man that's tortured me in them.

My waking hours aren't any better. All the times that Dean and I spent together when we were young have been drum up. His likes, dislikes, his love for his baby brother, Sammy and his trust and loyalty to his father. I even got him to open up about his mother once.

Maybe I was kidding myself for remembering all that we were; it's not like we were together for years or even months. Nine times out of ten he doesn't even remember me.

Taking a deep breathe I gain my courage as I push open the door to the karaoke bar. He'll either want to kill me or ravage me. I am praying for the latter, sadly.

His demeanor adjusts as I approach him from behind, "I knew you'd find me eventually, Faithey. What took you so long?"

I stop in my tracks as he removes the jacket from the stool next to him, sitting I ask "Well, you are not the easiest person to find."

Turning from the bar to face the open dance floor area, I notice "and from the looks of it you wanted me to catch up pretty quickly."

I was referring to the two cowboys with their spines hanging out of their bodies and the woman on stage with the microphone wrapped around her neck.

Leaning against the bar I glance to my left since Dean was on my right and I see the female bartender impaled on an ice pick.

"What?" he winks, "they called this pie." The food on his plate looked like throw-up instead of anything edible and I remembered how much Dean loved his pie.

It was the one thing he remembers his mom making him; so I think that's why he loves it so much. I'm still a little surprised that he remembers me; though, I thought that with the years and possible girls that…

"No Faith, you weren't just a random. Yes, there were many girls but you were special" he says reaching his hand out towards me.

"And now you're a Slayer" lifting me out of my seat, Dean engulfs me into his warm, strong, and muscular arms. "I hit the mother-load."

Before I can respond he spins me towards the old school jukebox, selecting something for us to dance to; Wild Horse by the Rolling Stones fills the ancient speakers.

I stare at him in disbelief that after all these years he still remembers, "You thought I forgot your favorite song? I could never!" He seems upset by my skepticism but he continues on twirling me around the dance floor.

"Dean, you know this can't last" I say looking at the clock above the stage.

"It can" he counters, "I have more than enough change." I smile with my silent laughter as he references the jukebox.

"You know that's not what I mean. I'm the Slayer and unfortunately you're a demon. I was sent here to ki…"

Dean lifts me into his arms fireman style before I can finish my sentence, "I know why you are here, Faith and fortunately it's not to kill me."

His cocky tone does nothing but piss me off while his hands ascend towards my heaving bosom.

I lose track of time as Dean continues his assault on my body, "Where are you taking me?" I ask while he carries me threw the swinging side door.

"Shhh, you'll ruin the surprise" by the time we reach his destination I am a ball of frustration from his ministrations. The way his hand trails down my exposed midriff as the crop top rides up my tone stomach elation fuels me for the first time in years. I could never understand how Dean could release these feeling in me, even back then.

I lean closer to his neck inhaling his manly scent as we reach the end of the wooden staircase. We had past several doors down the long hallway which smells of moth balls. I hate that smell but Dean's aroma slowly overpowers it. I feel safe with him even though he's a demon and could possibly be leading me to my death.

I need to fight these feelings I have for him. I turn away from the warmth of him and I begin to struggle for freedom. I can't let myself get sucked into his web of darkness.

"Calm down, Faithey! You are so impatient sometimes" he chuckles while kicking the door; revealing an apartment.

I stare at him as we enter, "You planned this," I accuse. "I told you about my uncle and living above his' bar. How that was the only time I felt safe and truly loved." Could he have plan this any better, I'd said once how I would be in heaven if I could just live an apartment above a bar.

"What are you playing at?" I yell in his face.

"Tsk" he sits me on my feet, "I just wanted us to have some alone time. Your two boy-band members will be here soon and there just isn't enough time for pleasantries."

Opening my mouth to respond I am suddenly pushed into the wall. I grab the nearest thing and connect it to his head but sadly the fucker dodgiest my defenses. He seizes my arm spinning me so that my back is now smashed against his chest,

"Faith, you have to stop fighting me or you won't enjoy this. I can see that you want this just as much as I do" he proceeds to rip the thin fabric of my favorite shirt.

"I'll replace it" he runs his hand along my chest. I really should have worn a bra today.

"No, you chose correctly" he laughs enjoying himself. I can feel his excitement at my exposure; it rubs against my backside.

Uncontrollably, I move against it seeking relief. Dean continues to have me unnerved as he abruptly turns me to face him. His grip on my arms is strong but it's the kiss that he places onto my lips that has completely yielded me.

I am pudding and he is the spoon scooping me up to be consumed.

"What can I say you still got it Faith" I moan as he twists my exposed nipple, "always so responsive."

I can't help it as I reach my arm towards him. Dean releases me and I run my fingers through his hair. It's electric as he watches my reaction to finally being able to touch him again.

I feel free as I purr from the trail of kisses he leaves on my neck. I adjust to his attack rubbing my thighs together; he notices my discomfort and kneels in front of me.

I open my eyes to see a stunning face even though I am embarrassed I can't help but continue to embrace the feeling that he has provided in me.

"That's my girl. You are so beautiful" Dean says.

"Since becoming a demon I've realized a few things about myself and I think that with time you will realize the some things too. Faith, even though I am a demon I am still me."

Dean places me on the floor cupping my left cheek, "For too long you have fought yourself but there is light and darkness in all of us. Stop being afraid and just give in." I gasp for air as he kisses my forehead, "be happy."

"It's not too late?" I ask unsure if I really want the answer.

"It's never too late" Dean answers while lifting me from the floor and placing me on the full size bed in the corner of the loft style apartment.

"It's okay" I say grabbing his hand. "I've wanted this for so long and now I can have it. And it's okay."

I look at this man, who has always been in the back of my mind.

The man who has given me countless opportunities to run away.

But I haven't and I think it's because he chose me.

And that's all I have ever wanted:

TO BE CHOSEN

**FIN**

**A/N: **The last half of the story where Faith finds Dean in the bar was not bata'd so I apologize for any errors you may find.** Thanks!**


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